Confessed cheat Sandor Earl says he was naive and had been misled by controversial sports scientist Stephen Dank, which led to him admitting to trafficking and use of a performance-enhancing drug.
Earl has broken his silence over his involvement in the drugs scandal engulfing Australian sport, which will air on Channel Nine'sThe Footy Show on Thursday night.
The former Roosters, Panthers and Raiders winger has confessed to using and trafficking the banned CJC-1295, which led to Earl becoming the first player issued with an infraction notice in the on-going ASADA investigation.
Dank has repeatedly denied giving any players a prohibited substance.
Earl is adamant that he was the victim of an abuse of trust by Dank and says he believed at the time the injections of the drug CJC-1295 were permitted.
"I'd love to look back and look at how naive I've been but I can't do that and I have no reason not to judge myself," the 23-year-old said.
"There have been times like I mentioned to you this year, where I've thought what have I done, what did I do, what did I do wrong, am I the idiot but I don't believe that.
"Perhaps it was a story I was given by him and it was misleading by him but you know in turn I take full responsibility for what's happened and what's going to happen, there's no problem with that."
Earl, who is facing a ban of up to four years, is hopeful of having that reduced by providing ASADA with information to help them convict other parties.
The New Zealand-born Australian said he had battled with depression since he became the first player issued with an infraction notice.
"I feel like I've had some hard times in my life but this is a battle like nothing else, by myself, when in people's eyes you seem down and depressed, you don't know what to do,'' Earl said.
"When I have to deal with that on my own in Canberra it's hard and I struggled with that all year; it's a shame that the last year of my NRL season had to be like that, but it did and it was a hard battle.
"There were just times there where I didn't even want to play football. Having to look your mates in the eyes like the other boys, that was one of the hardest things.
"Having to look the other Canberra boys in the eyes and tell them, 'Oh yeah, everything's going to be OK, I'm OK,' and go out and play when I didn't want to be there.
"That's not for love of the game, that's just because I was done. I'd had enough a quarter of the way through the season and I've got to look everyone in the eyes and continue on trying to play good football."
Earl revealed how Dank took him to get an injection and described the effects as morphine-like.
"I didn't know what to expect to be honest, and I wasn't really told what to expect, which probably would have been nice," Earl explained.
"It was a strange feeling. I would describe it as morphine - a cold rush going through the body, i felt quite sick in the stomach, almost a bit quite sleepy.
"I sat down for 5 to 10 minutes and it went away."
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